It has been a long summer but today is my last day, my stuff is packed, and I am coming HOME. I leave on Sunday at 7 in the morning and get to Thailand late Monday night or early Tuesday morning how every you want to say it. It has been a good summer full of experiences and fun but I do have to say I am kind of ready for it to be all over. I WANT TO COME HOME, I MISS YOU ALL. This will be my first time flying by my self and security is very tight right now at the air port so hopefully every thing will be fine. My 2 fears right now is 1 that my bag dos not gets lost, I heard the number of bags they have lost lately has increased a lot. My other fear is that I am sick on the plain and need to use the barf bag haha. I have never had to use this before but I have not really been feeling that well this week, I have had a bad stomach ache, and there is always a first time for every thing. But hopefully none of that will happen. Well I need to go continue packing and I will probably see you all nixed Sunday. How cool is that hahaha.

Amy

So nice to be able to have internet access on my own computer again. not too much is going on with me right now. I am still in the U.S of A in case anyone thought different. Right now I am in Iowa for a little bite enjoying the corn and spending time with my grandma. This morning me and my brother decided to get up bright and early to go fishing. It was fun; we went to Spring Park which is about 4 minuets away from my grandma’s house. He brought a book to read and I brought a pillow and my lap top computer with a Seinfeld DVD incase I got bored  ( you never know with fishing). Here are some pics of are fishing trip.

It is hard to think that I have been here for over a month. In some ways it seems like it should be way shorter, in other ways it seems like it should be way longer. Right now I am staying in Minnesota with my friend Ashley. It has been great to be able to see her again. I am going to be hanging out with her until like the 4^th. It has been and should continue to be fun.

Before this I was staying with my grandma in Iowa wile working at a fast food place. Working at a fast food place was well an experience. Let’s just say I don’t regret doing it, but thank the lord it is over. I was in charge of the grill so I flipped burgers and such. I think it would have been an ok job, nothing a would want to do for a living, but it was my boss that made it so unpleasant. She was just a crabby lade and hard to deal with. But hey I made money so what can I say it was a job and an experience at that.

I have divided my summers up into three parts. The first part was staying with my grandma in Iowa and working at a fast food type restaurant. For the second part I will be staying with friends and just traveling about between houses mostly in Minnesota. The last part of my summer I will be volunteering at a kid’s summer day camp tip thing. During this time I will be mostly living with relatives in Minnesota.

I think the hardest thing for me about being in the states this time, is just this feeling of belonging but yet not belonging. I think this feeling has been stronger this time meanly because my family has not been here. Not having a permanent place to call home just makes things harder. But other wise I think I am doing good it has been just really cool to see my friends again. Well I wanted to thank you all for your comments on my last post and those words of encouragement. They meant a lot.

Amy

Do you ever feel like you just don’t fit in. that no matter were you go people don’t get you. They think they have you all figured out but really the label they have given you is no were close to the truth. Do you ever feel so lost and so fed up with life but yet you can’t really come up with a reason why. Do you ever feel that sense of longing and no matter were you go you can’t get rid of it. You’re always wanting to be some were else; there is always something that you are missing. Do you ever just get sick of being a teenager? All the drama, all the stress, every one trying to figure out who they are. I know I am sick of it and the funny thing is almost every one else I talk to says they are to. Then why don’t we change things why dose it have to be like this. Do you ever feel totally down in the dumps but then think that maybe you are over exaggerating, that maybe the way you feel is just life and you need to just get over it. I wish there was just a clear cut line so you know when you have gone over the edge. When people ask you how you are doing do you ever just say good because that is the answer they are expecting. Do you ever wander what this world would be like if no one tried to cut around the bush and every one just got strait to the point and were truth full with each other? That would eliminate all the guess work and assuming. You would actually know were every one stands in a situation. Would that not make life easier? Have you every tried to just run away from a problem but not really know what it is you were running away from. Picher a rocking chare, now every time you sit on this rocking char it feels funny. It dose not rock as nicely as it used to, it just dose not feel right. You cant figured out what is wrong, you try almost ever thing in the book but yet cant fix it, meanly because you don’t know what part of it needs fixing. There you have it folks my life, I am the broken rocking chare that needs fixing. I tried to fix my unknown problems by running way from them. I fled the freaking country thinking it would make every thing better, but it did not work. Like I said before you cant fix a problem when you don’t know what needs to be fixed and you cant run away from them ether. I should have known that because I have tried to do it before. Don’t you hate it when you make mistakes? When you do or say something you shouldn’t have. Especially when the mistake is something you could have very easily avoided eeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Do you find it hard to stop thinking about it? You keep on thinking if only I had……. It would have all been different. You try to shove it really far back and pretend it was no big deal just like you always do. You know that shoving it back is not the best way to fix it, but it always seems to be the easiest at the time. It avoids any awkward conversations you may have with people were nobody knows what to say. Ok I am done talking this is really long and probably half the people want even finish reading it. But oh well I am sorry I do have to say I did worn you up above there it says ramblings and I meant it. I do need you guises prayers though. I don’t really know what for but what every it is I can’t do this on my own.

Amy